Marrow In My Bones. Never Close. Red Crystal. Silver String. Spiral Of Meaning.
The marrow in my bones is exploding Implosion of my heart is resting Heroes are on the tables dancing My hand is in the fire roasting I am drunk and a wench is serving Her dress is split down the middle I had a vision of a frog walking While I was the one hopping My bones are exploding The calcium is bleeding through my skin Angel dust is falling from fairy wings I’m lying down thinking Under a table dreaming The dancing a pounding like my heart a beating The sky is leaking in and I’m singing Not out loud Kris-crossing my legs like a spider I am waiting
Never close your eyes to me again I swear I will kill you if you do I have fingers all ready to strangle They open and close with a mind of their own Look at me at my eyes and say I am lying Do my hands shake Am I blinking Is there any doubt in my posture As to what I will do to you If you block me out I will not be alone again I will not let you leave me again Keep your eyes on mine My fingers are clenching Don’t forget my face Don’t forget my mouth My lips that are moving now My teeth that remind you of a worn out dog My smell that reminds you of the bum I am My stink that tells you I was drinking And my eyes Look into the intensity of my eyes And know how sober I am now Don’t even move Don’t turn or blink Stay so still as to be a statue My fingers are clenching Knowing you are going to have to blink How can I make such an unreasonable request Because I can’t be lonely again Never close your eyes to me again And you blink And I still stand here as you weep You thinking I’m going to kill you You huddled on the floor Curled like a worn out dog I kick you and you yap like one It’s funny the name for you now is bitch Fitting you hating you Why are you making me lonely I can’t stand your back And your weeping All the noise of you All the wetness from your eyes All that emotion Wasted Feeling sorry for yourself And this situation that you are in Stuck in this room Locked away from the world With the maniac you married The maniac you left The maniac who has nothing left I have nothing left I have no heart I have no feelings You turned me into this sociopath All you did was leave me Now I’m shaking I can’t hurt you I should damn you to be fair I should kill you to be just But instead I’m going to lie down next to you And wait Now you run Going to break through a window Get all bloody going through Going to make everyone think I did that to you I’ll go to jail for a long time Be hated by everyone Be rapped by some lonely guy Not that kind of irony I’ll accept Not the end of life I’ll accept No I’ll not be lonely You see wife that is now gone I have brought a gun I could have used it on you But I didn’t Now I won’t have a second chance So I’ll just have to shoot myself I can’t talk with it in my mouth And I want to talk Out loud Like I have company Like it is a social party With all kinds of me roaming around bumping into things This used to be my home Memories of where furniture used to be Of children we never had Of the family we came so close to being I’ll put the gun to my ear Aiming it straight through Straight on through to the other side So the police can go through my brains on my old rug And maybe guess why I did whatever it is I’m going to do The gun goes click The gun goes…
Red crystal words on the lips of frozen dead Film stuck encased in hoarfrost Waiting for the illusion to be shattered My movie stub is under my seat With the sticky remains of sugar cola And sprinkled popcorn greased and salted I molt my skin chipping out first with fingernails I shed the iced flesh and it cracks coming apart And falling like snow flakes of gore My new insect style wings spread I am thin and light I leave most of flesh behind The air is thin with the cold I can barely fly My memory is gone I’m acting on instinct alone The door won’t budge The cold is slowing my heart I’m about to die a second time I fly past the movie screen The other exit is the same No escape, no exit I’m tired and weak If I sleep I die Too cold even for hibernation Something nags me A memory so deep it is almost instinct A way home I know it A portal My will I open Warmth and escape I look back to the world I forgot I feel sorrow I can’t place I had a mission there I’m now told If I can recover my memory then I haven’t failed But they tell my the cold was very damaging There isn’t much hope for any great recovery Meanwhile my instincts so deep they are memory Help me dream of life in that world A mystery they my fellows are desperate to understand I relearn who our worlds were tied together And that I was one of a number of watchers And the only one to have returned from the event The end of the world Ending in ice Motion slowing Motion finished Never to start again I left just in time Now that world is over Oblivion As I begin to care again Fear finds me And I realize we are next And soon This time I will have nowhere to run too
I am made of silver string Woven cords throughout me I am a web of tissue My face is a woven tapestry Empty but full of desperate need I get tangled as my thought’s fray Alone to sort them out As my kite gets away With reminders on all my fingers I will always be a loose knot Capable of falling apart Right here on this spot Capable of strangling myself with tension Dancing about Pulling my own strings Tangling my emotions With my revelations And short term gratifications Pulled in different directions Made to spin The only way to keep standing To be looking everywhere With equal abandon Ending up too dizzy to breath My tongue undone Chocking me My lungs full of silver string
Like a spiral of meaning My blood is a river Distracted I still think Taken forward in time Home is in my head I have the power Listen to the wind It is dancing Floating in the water Half asleep One side wet, one side dry A cradle for the tiny city That has a telescope Pointing at my star Whispers of cricket legs Make my nose itch I’m hungry and my scabs are flaking If my sit long enough My hair becomes roots Hanging from branches A flake of blood Stays dry for a time But the river is hungry And takes it back Before it can travel far When I visit the city On my leaf I lay on my back With my hand curled Like a telescope And look up at my star It is so far away It makes my ceiling feel comfortable The heavens are familiar The sky can never fall My body is a world With rivers underground At times I am cut And I erupt with wine I dry and my skin shakes away The leaves The ground is harder It is marked So I can remember each spot Like a spiral of meaning I am a world